The Rant

Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try – Anon.

This is kind of a hard blog to write, harder than it should be. Am I afraid people will say ‘pfft, whatever,’ when they read what I’m about to say? A little. Maybe it’s hard because I’ve not written something like it before. It’s a new topic for me, a new focus on something important and personal. And maybe it’s hard simply because once I put it to paper it can’t be taken back. Making the decision to try and committing to the possibility of failing.

But this is the time for massive change, I can feel it. I want to say I’m sick, but I’m not. I want to say I’m unhappy, but I’m not. I’m not actually sure what I am, maybe that’s the problem? But I do want more for me, I want to create and achieve goals and smile at myself in the mirror for the first time in my life, literally. No shit. I can’t tell you what I am right now, but I can tell you what I want – I want more.

If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it – Mary Englebreit.

I am the first to acknowledge my blessed life, so to say that I want more makes me feel sick with my own lack of gratitude. And that’s just it – it’s not my life’s problem, it’s me. It’s not my life that has to change, not my incredible family or my amazing job or my pets or car or hobbies or blah blah blah. I’m the problem. I am either too ashamed to grab life by the proverbials, I’m too stressed or worried about the future to truly enjoy the present, or I just feel completely disconnected all together. There is more for me if I embrace what I love about being me and work on what I don’t.


Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom – Aristotle

This year, I am going to connect to the world through myself. I’m going to change the way I think, move, eat, and live in general, and treat myself and all that I encompass to an adventure.
Part of this intentional change harks back to hypno-birthing techniques; that programme is the shit. I’m making a conscious decision to take responsibility for my health, my happiness, my success and my spiritual well-being. I’m going to make a conscious decision about what thoughts I dwell on and what I let go of. I have been sitting in the driver’s seat for a long time, hell, I even drove myself here. Well, now it’s time to change gear.

With freedom, books, flowers and the moon, who could not be happy? -  Oscar Wilde

This is not just a physical endeavour, although that is the most obvious and easiest way to make a change. But I know as well as anyone that the weight loss game is actually a mind game. So there is no point in making a ‘new year’s resolution’ to lose weight when, in actual fact, my whole way of thinking about myself and my worth needs to change, too. Do you know how weird it is, to love what you do but not like who you are? Lordy, how depressing. So yes, I will set goals around health and fitness, but also intellectual goals, and spiritual goals, and goals for my family. Because I am more than a weight loss goal and this year, I will embrace all of it.

I have the right to a life that nurtures the whole self, and the ability to decide whether to exercise that right or not. – Tiffany Wagstaff